it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize