I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
