It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
