Umm I'm too high to move.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I love having hate sex.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
