i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
