She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
