he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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