i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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