I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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