I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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