i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
