you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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