I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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