I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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