it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
