So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I see more hoeing in ur future
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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