all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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