Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
