Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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