She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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