When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
