Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize