I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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