We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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