My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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