if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
