You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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