Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
