Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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