just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize