nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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