If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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