I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
