So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
