A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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