Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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