giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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