i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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