where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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