He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
it glows. i had to have it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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