Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize