First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
