i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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