she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
