so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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