I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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