Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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