Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
