Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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