You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
