Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
