After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
