All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
