The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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