she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
