The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
and you fell through a lawn chair
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
