im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
wow bdsm is so cute
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
