we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
that may or may not have been my penis.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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