She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
