I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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