so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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