Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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