Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
