Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
