he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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