Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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