Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
