Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
