i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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