I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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