I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
