just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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