Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
