no, he came in my armpit
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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