we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
