Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
