Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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