i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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