I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
