Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
