I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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