I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
