just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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