How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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