i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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