he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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