I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
