I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
