:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
