She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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