wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
The air taste purple.
Randomize
