I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
