I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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