I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
